Why do so many people’s attempt to save their marriages fail? What are they doing? or not doing? Why do so many who go to counseling still separate? Here’s what you need to know to save your marriage and succeed where others fail.
- Not all therapists are created equal – Now, I recognize that might sound strange coming from me, but let me explain what I mean: Couples should not go to a therapist who isn’t qualified to do couples therapy. Many people, (and therapists for that matter), don't realize that couples counseling is very different than individual counseling. So much of it is teaching - teaching couples how to truly communicate, how to resolve conflict, how to learn and understand their partner's point of view, etc. In fact, it's when couples’ therapists attempt to be mediators in the room - attempt to judge who is right and who is wrong - that they get into trouble and can actually damage the relationship, (I mean, 3 out of 4 couples who go to couples counseling actually end up breaking up!) Additionally, you don't want the couple to become dependent on the therapist. A good therapist doesn't want their clients to be in therapy forever! And after they’ve stopped coming to see the therapist, the therapist is not going to be standing in the kitchen mediating their fight over who should be responsible for feeding the dog! They have to learn to do it themselves and honestly, in my opinion, the StrongMarriageNow System is the perfect medium to teach them.
- Don’t rely on friends and family for completely subjective advice that more times than not actually damages the relationship more than helps it. Recognizing that these are the people that love you, they are not necessarily qualified to teach you how to be married, (particularly if they are taking sides!)
- Don’t put your heads in the sand and tell yourselves, “as soon as she gets that new job, it’ll be better” or “as soon as the kids go to kindergarten, it’ll be better” as the marriage just gets worse and worse. Don’t wait for the other person to change – Instead, take a good hard look at yourself and do what you can to make the marriage better.
- And finally, (this is my personal favorite really), DON’T simply fight about it day-in and day-out for years and years and years without learning how to change anything.
What all of these issues have in common is that they focus solely on the problems in the marriage rather than on actively looking for any kind of solutions.
So, to reiterate, how can you succeed where others have failed to save their marriages?
- Seek information from a qualified therapist – it may or may not be face-to-face therapy - but look for information as soon as significant problems appear
- Take responsibility for your part in making the marriage successful and
- Check out the StrongMarriageNow System we created for people just like you.
- For Pete’s sake, stop fighting about it!
To learn more about saving your marriage using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
Have you recognized any other issues holding you back? Need help saving a marriage? Please comment below.
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
Get The Best Couples Therapy From A Professional. Visit http://strongmarriagenow.com