Over time, couples can drift apart if they aren’t actively working on their relationship. Feeling “out of love” can happen to us all, but fortunately, you can get things back on track!
If you’re feeling disconnected, use these tips to rekindle the spark in your marriage. Be patient, and let these ideas bring you closer together. It may take time, but all the while, you’ll be moving toward a healthier, happier marriage.
1. Limit Technology
We often spend too much time staring at screens instead of actually spending time with one another. Put the phones down, turn off the TV, and make a point to be present with your spouse. Simply sitting in the same room isn’t enough - you have to make an effort to break away from the technology.
2. Flirt All Day
From morning snuggles to flirtatious text messages, try to keep each other excited and feeling loved all day. Not only will this build up to fun in the bedroom, it will also keep both of you focused on each other, looking forward to your moments together - even if it’s an email or a quick phone call in the middle of the work day.
3. Adjust Expectations
Sometimes the distance we feel is rooted in unrealistic expectations. We may be looking too closely at our spouse’s flaws, and not closely enough at their best qualities. We may be projecting what we want onto them, without taking the time to understand and respect who they actually are. Be realistic in your expectations, and work together to grow.
4. Surprise Each Other
Whether it’s something small or something extravagant, surprises make people feel great! It could be preparing your spouse’s favorite meal, giving a gift, a surprise date… Your options are endless! These little moments of excitement add up, and help both of you feel more connected.
5. Express Gratitude
Feeling thankful - and making a point to say it out loud - is a great way to improve your general outlook on life. Expressing your gratitude to your spouse for the things they do to improve your life shows appreciation, spurs conversation, and helps them feel loved. Don’t take things for granted, no matter how small they may seem.
Simply touching your bodies together - hugs, holding hands, etc. - makes your body produce oxytocin, helping you both feel a deeper connection to each other. Make a point to incorporate physical touch into your day, even if you aren’t feeling very close. Hug each other in the morning before you head to work, sit close together on the couch, whatever you can do to actually connect your bodies. Every little bit helps!
Sometimes the best way to reconnect is to get away from distractions and everyday responsibilities. Taking a vacation away from work, the kids, chores, and all of the things that may be getting between you and your spouse is a chance to reflect and refresh. If you can afford to take an extravagant trip, great - but even a small getaway will be a chance to talk, to spend quality time together, and begin rebuilding your relationship.
After years together, couples can begin to take each other for granted, and part of that can mean forgetting the importance of small kindnesses and compliments. Tell your spouse when you’re feeling proud of them, when they look nice, when they do something thoughtful… Like expressing gratitude, paying each other compliments makes both of you feel loved and appreciated.
9. Pillow Talk
Studies show that communicating and sharing feelings after sex leads to deeper relationship satisfaction - and it makes sense! These intimate moments are when you’re both vulnerable, full of good brain chemicals, and mentally primed to connect. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, make a point to spend some time after sex connecting emotionally.
10. Rethink Dates
Dates don’t have to be expensive or lavish. In fact, the only requirement is that you spent quality time together. Practically anything can be a date, so explore your options! Think outside the box, explore your community, try new things, and all the while, you’ll be strengthening your marriage.
As you can see, it ultimately comes down to time and effort. If you want to build (or rebuild) a loving, healthy marriage, you have to spend time together, connect both physically and emotionally, and make each other a priority. Incorporate these practices into your life, and feel more connected than ever!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com