This article is all about getting both of you checked back in to your marriage and checked in to each other such that you are both willing to work on the relationship.
But it is only the first step.
A common mistake that people make is stopping at this first step. Maybe one person says, “OK, I agree to give it another try,” or even, “I’ve realized I still love you and our family and I want this to work.” But that’s not enough.
Just “wanting to” and agreeing to work on your marriage is not enough.
You have to learn and then practice the skills it takes to have a long-term happy marriage, otherwise you’ll just end up right back at this same place again. “Wanting to change” and actually changing are two very different things.
But don’t worry, it’s not that hard and I would love to teach you how you can do it.
So let’s get started.
First and foremost, I need you to understand this. Being happily married has more to do with knowing how to be married than with who you are married to.
In other words, most people whose marriages end up in trouble believed in the fairy tale that once you married the “Right Person,” everything would be easy from then on out and they’d live Happily Ever After.
Unfortunately, that’s just not true.
Marriage takes work; not just “trying really hard,” but knowing some real practical skills that most of us were never taught.
The good news is that it doesn’t take very long to learn and apply these skills. And honestly, most of these skills aren’t hard to put into action.
Then, when you do them right, the reward is so much greater than the effort invested!
Want to get practical tips on saving your marriage?
The library below has Dr. Dana’s marriage transforming videos and articles.
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To learn more about How to be Happily Married using our online videos and downloadable exercises, check out our StrongMarriageNow System.
If you’re ready to work on your relationship but your partner is not, there is a way to motivate your partner to check back in. Discover how Dr. Dana can help you Get Your Partner Checked Back In.
Do you hope to be more happily married? How can we help? Please comment below.
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Im in a long distance marriage. my husband and i stay in different countries we dont see each other often. We are having so many problems, how can we reconnect, is it possible to work things out in such a relationship. Please advice
The distance in your marriage makes it very challenging. Have you watched Dr. Dana's Most Important Lesson video? It's on the home page if you'd like to see it again. Most Important Lesson Video Make your best effort to stay connected via skype, email, txt'ing and phone and make an effort to see each other face-to-face as much as possible... Best...
I feel the same way I am also in a long distant marriage and we are growing apart. Yet we talk everyday and email every now and then. Mostly about the kids. Yet my husband says hes not "in Love with me" yet he says he loves me. I am so confused and not sure how to fix this either. I sent him an email with this site on it and I hope he will watch it but I am still not sure he even will want to try as he has asked me for a divorce. Yet he is coming home from over seas for a few weeks.I have hope for us and I am trying just to give space till hes home but I can't help the way I love him and want to be with him forever.
My heart goes out to you Cynthia. I hope you can share with him Dr. Dana's advice that it's normal to fall in and out of love in a long-term relationship and that it's possible to fall back in love again by learning and applying the Marriage Success Skills that Dr. Dana teaches. We just launched a new solution that may be helpful to you. It's called How to Get Your Partner Checked Back In and it's specifically designed to help motivate your spouse to invest in the relationship again. If you'd like to learn more go here: Get Your Partner Checked Back In. I hope that when he comes home in a few weeks, you can reconnect with each other... Wishing you the best.
My wife does not want to learn any new skills, she is owned by her families dark past and insecurities, as well as her feelings. She has never learned to resolve any conflicts in her life, just stuffs them in until all hell breaks loose. Unfortunetly, we are in the process of divorce because my wife is afraid of the truth and learning any new skills.
My parents have offended my wife numerous times over the course of our 18 year marriage. I have pointed this out to my parents and they have expressed their apologies to me and want to make things right. My wife refuses to have any contact with them and refuses our kids from seeing them. Any discussion of the matter results in arguments and hurt feelings. I seldom see my parents because I have to go alone, and that just reinforces how isolating the situation has become. I would like there to be peace and forgiveness.