The first step to getting back to those loving feelings is for both members of the couple to recognize that you are both responsible for the state of your marriage. Yes, maybe one person stepped over the line and checked out of the marriage, but both partners got the marriage there. Accepting some of the responsibility can be difficult for both parties to do, but it is essential in order to move forward.

Next I’m going to suggest that you try our free videos. How, you ask, am I going to get my checked out partner to do that? When attempting to get your spouse to listen to you, try these five steps.

First, tell them that you have found something that you think both of you can learn from and both of you can benefit from. It’s vital that they feel no one person is being blamed for the state of the relationship or they may become defensive and be unwilling to watch.

They may ask, why should I listen to this person? So, the second thing I suggest you do is briefly explain that I’m a Clinical Psychologist and Couples Therapist with an excellent track record. Tell them my style is straightforward and to the point and won’t waste their time.

Thirdly, point out that they can watch the StrongMarriageNow videos privately on their own computer and in their own time. Many of you may have already tried to get your spouse to go to couples counseling or read a book but those things take money and considerable time. Watching the videos will only take around 20 total minutes of their time.

Remind them that you’re still willing to work on the relationship and are willing to do whatever it takes to make each other happy again. This is important because it’s vital that they understand that you’re not asking them to check back into the relationship that you had before. The truth is, that relationship wasn’t working for either one of you and whatever either of you tried to do to fix it wasn’t working either or you wouldn’t be reading this. So instead, make sure they know that you’re also willing to learn the skills necessary to have the marriage you both want from now on.

And finally, ask them, don’t tell them. Kindly ask them to please take the time. Point out that surely your years together, and for many of you, your family, is worth it.

To learn more about how to get your partner checked in, we offer a special 2-video package to help you and your spouse get motivated to work on your marriage together. Take a look at “How To Get Your Spouse Checked Back In”

Have you recognized any other issues holding you back? How can we help? Please comment below.

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders,

Find Out What It Takes To Work On Your Relationship Problems. Visit