An entire universe of fashion magazines, beauty products, advice columns, dating websites, and beyond are all focused on one general goal: defining what makes women attractive – or, more accurately, selling advice to women about what will make them more attractive.

Now, we’re not here to bash these types of media (though they certainly can contribute to setting unrealistic expectations), but the attractive quality we want to talk about today is often very absent from popular media, who tend to make everything about appearance.

While it is true that people are attracted to certain looks or body types, and that men tend to be more visually oriented for what they find attractive, one of the most attractive qualities a woman can have comes from within.

What’s this quality we’re talking about?

In a word: CONFIDENCE.

Self-esteem makes a tremendous difference in so many aspects of your life (and your relationship). It affects the way you carry yourself, how you speak to others, how you pursue the things you want and need, even your overall happiness. Because of those factors, your levels of confidence directly impact how attractive you appear to others.

But why do we find confidence attractive? For men, women with high self-esteem seem independent and powerful. Such a woman chooses a mate because she wants one, not because she needs one – and that makes that man feel special!

That’s just the tip of the iceberg though…

As mentioned above, confidence has a way of changing your physical appearance too. Not only do you carry yourself differently, it also has an impact on skin and hair health, and likely helps you smile more, stand up straighter, and simply be more vibrant in everything you do!

Self-esteem also has a way of making you resilient, and that can be an attractive quality as well! It means that you’re ok in your own skin – that you won’t be defining yourself based on your relationship, that you’ll work to solve problems, that you will build and maintain your own friendships, that you’ll pursue your own passions…

And while many men like to feel like protectors and providers, it’s also extremely attractive when women are in touch with who they are, up front about what they want, and not bashful about putting that confidence forward!

Now, gaining confidence can happen in many ways. At the core, it starts with searching within yourself, but you can also build self-esteem by performing “esteemable acts.”

This means doing things that prove (to yourself) that you can achieve goals, that you can face fears, that you are unique and valuable, that you are loveable and loved, and so on! You can even reflect on your past accomplishments (or even hard times you’ve endured) to remind yourself of the strength you possess. Real confidence should come from action!

It’s important to remember that there’s a distinguishable difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is brash and uninvited, it’s more talk than action, and it seeks attention for attention’s sake… Confidence, though, tends to be calm and collected. It’s internal and doesn’t need the approval or attention of others.

Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is not.

This simple quality can have an impact on nearly every area of your life, particularly the relationship you have with your spouse, so take a good look in the mirror and focus on the qualities about yourself that you like the most. These can be the sources of confidence you need to boost you in the right direction – and once you start embracing your self-esteem, there’s no turning back!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com