Despite what the advertisements, store displays, magazine headlines, and the marketing machine would have you believe, Valentine’s Day is about one thing above all others:
Love.
And real love is about connection, compassion, and sharing your personalities with one another. Things like flowers, candy, gifts, fancy dinners… all of that stuff is extra. It isn’t required for a happy Valentine’s Day, and certainly isn’t required for you and your spouse to celebrate the love you have for each other.
If you can swing those kinds of things, great! But don’t, even for one second, feel guilty if they don’t fit into the budget or the schedule, or make your spouse feel guilty if they aren’t providing the material things society has mistaken for signs of affection.
When people get too caught up with that material side of things, it can make this lovers’ holiday take a turn for the worse. Couples can start stressing about money, arguing about who bought what, or worry more about making dinner reservations than expressing their gratitude for each other.
All this does is distract them from what’s truly important – the relationship they share.
Now, if it isn’t going to cause trouble, by all means splurge for a fancy dinner or a romantic getaway – but make sure your heart is in the right place, that you’re doing it because you can and because you want to, not because you think you’re supposed to, or because you think that’s the only way to have a good Valentine’s Day.
In fact, before you even give any thought to gifts or dates, why not start with a very simple exercise. Use the instructions below to write your spouse an honest and direct love letter. This kind of message means more than flowers and sweets ever will.
Step 1- List the top five things that you’re thankful for about your life together:
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
Step 2- List your spouses’ five best qualities today:
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
- _______________________________________
Step 3- Sit down and write it in this form:
Dear ____,
This Valentine’s Day I wanted to tell you how thankful I am for our life together and tell you all the things I love about you.
I am thankful for ___________, ______________________, _____________________, _________________, and __________________.
I love you because you are _________________, _________________, __________________, ____________________, and __________________.
Happy Valentines Day!
I love you,
{Signature}
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
I'm not sure what to get my wife for Valentine's Day. She is concerned about her weight so chocolates, going out to a nice dinner, are not in the cards. Cards are not in the cards as she things they are fake emotions. She is also frugal, so expensive things are not desired, even though we can afford them.
My therapist is amazing in many ways. I love her to pieces. I am getting ready to go through a divorce. My husband is an immature spouse and parent. We no longer connect at all. When I first went to her, she asked if I thought my marriage was reparable. I said I wasn't sure, so we delved into it. After some time and lots of thinking, I realized that even attempting repair of my marriage with a spouse who feels nothing is his fault is unrealistic. Then she made a comment that surprised me: "Marriage takes work of course. But not thatttt much work. If it feels like all you do is work on your marriage, quite frankly, you're in the wrong marriage."
Don't get her a card, write her a letter. Tell her what YOU feel, not Hallmark. Does she have a hobby? Buy her a nice yarn if she knits, or the latest book in the series she is reading. Go on a drive together, or back to where you met/had a first kiss. Is there someone she likes to do that you can make an afternoon of? Go antiquing, visit every used bookstore in the area, take her to the art museum.