Help For You: How to Stop Fighting



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Video Transcript - Dr. Dana's Help to Stop the Fighting

Hi, I’m Dr. Dana Fillmore, co-Founder of StrongMarriageNow.com and America’s Leading Authority on Marriage Success. Do you struggle with constant fighting in your marriage. Do you want to know how to end the fighting once and for all and how to be happy again?

Well, I’m going to tell you the first thing to help you stop the fighting. It's simple - Don't fight. “What?!” you say. That’s right! You can, (and will!), discuss, disagree, cajole, argue, persuade, differ, convince, entice, and (occasionally), bicker, but fighting is right out!

The reason is this: the point of fighting is for someone to “win” and for someone to “lose” and this only damages the relationship. So we can argue, even vehemently make our point, but fighting is destructive and a complete waste of time.

Having said this, it is often difficult for people to let go of fighting because anger often feels so good!  It's a rush and feels invigorating.  We feel in control.  We feel righteous and safe, (safe from acknowledging our true feelings, that is).  If we're coming at each other with anger, it’s most often because we're actually not dealing with our real emotions.

What I hear most often from people is, “I can't help it!  He makes me so mad!”  What she clearly believes here is that she has no control over her emotions, that she simply “loses her temper.”  This is, in fact, rarely the case.  I often ask if she has the same problem of “losing her temper” with her boss.  “No,” she replies, “I'd get fired.”  She usually starts to figure out where I'm going by this point.  If one can control their emotions at the office, one can control their emotions with the most important relationship in their life.  Our anger, like our mood, is our choice.  It's not something that “happens” to us, it's something we create and fuel. Take responsibility for your anger and choose to never fight again.

If you feel like you need more information or help to end the fighting, I teach communication and many more skills which can help you solve your problems with fighting in a series of videos called Effective Communication for Couples.

If you feel stuck and worried that things will never change; if you feel frustrated that no matter what you do, nothing seems to get better;  and especially if you feel hurt, angry or even hopeless, this series offers you the tools you need to easily improve your communication and stop the anger and pain in your relationship.  Click on the button below to check out our Effective Communication for Couples video series today!  You’ll be amazed at how learning just a few key skills can make all the difference in your marriage.

End The Conflict and Fall Back In Love

Just want to feel in love again? Tired of arguing and fighting all the time? Click on the button below to discover how to stop fighting and fall back in love or check outDr. Dana's advice on resolving conflict and fighting fair in a marriage.