In a 2009 Study by marriage counselor, M. Gary Neuman, it’s estimated that 1 in 2.7 men will cheat. These statistics are shocking. Yet sadly most people – men and women alike – still don’t know the real reasons why men cheat. Here’s a hint. It’s probably not what you think.
In fact, in Neuman’s study, 92% of men surveyed said it was not about the sex. “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures.” The real reason men have affairs is to meet their emotional needs. Men long to feel respected, appreciated, admired and wanted. Additionally, they want to feel like they are pleasing their wives. So, are most cheating men having sex with their flings? Of course they are, but the reason they’re doing it is to meet the emotional needs that are not being met in their marriage.
Many people at this point believe the answer is obvious: To keep your man from straying, have more sex! Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. While sex does go a long way to helping a man feel respected, appreciated, admired and desired, it’s not the only thing that matters. He must also believe his spouse feels this way about him in her heart.
If you’re a woman reading this article, you might be asking yourself, “But, what if I’m not feeling these things?” What if you don’t respect him much? What if you really are angry at him all the time and you don’t feel particularly pleased with him? Most women take the approach of letting their husbands know how disappointed they are. This can take the form of nagging, pouting, complaining or even open hostility. Unfortunately, this approach not only doesn’t help the husband improve, it can lead him to seek out someone who does appear to adore, value and need him.
If you’re a man reading this article, you might be asking yourself “How do I get my wife to meet my needs?” especially if she’s acting like the woman just described above.
The real answer for both men and women is to work on the marriage and make it a relationship of mutual satisfaction, affection and love. Every marriage has the potential to be wonderful. If you both put in the time and effort, you will truly appreciate each other and make each other happy assuring that your home, each other and your family is where you want to be every night.
To find out how to deal with a cheating husband and to discover how to rekindle the passion and save your marriage, check out our webinar: “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage.”
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Dr. Dana and Amy, StrongMarriageNow.com