Dr. Dana's Help if You Have Grown Apart from Your Spouse

 

You told us that you’ve grown apart and are feeling “bored.” This is an extremely common issue and can usually be attributed to lack of time spent alone together. In fact, spending time alone together is one of the most important lessons couples need to learn; it is also the lesson that most couples struggle with every day. Putting this lesson into action supports everything else, from communication, showing affection, and sex, to making your marriage fun and exciting and most of all, growing together and staying in love!

Did you know that the average couple can spend as little as one hour alone together per week; the average couple with kids – sometimes none? The average two people having an affair spend at least 15 hours per week together! Think about that for a moment. Those two people somehow manage to find 15 hours together in spite of all their other commitments, (which often include other spouses and children, etc.). When I work with couples who have “grown apart,” I ask them to find a mere eight hours a week for each other. They frequently tell me how difficult this is for them.

Make Sure You’re Growing Together, Not Apart

 

Remember when you were first together and you couldn’t get enough of each other? You spent hours talking and laughing, learning about each other, what you cared about, what your dreams were, what your fears were, what you liked about each other? What most people don’t realize is those things continue to grow and change over time and if we’re not checking in and spending time with each other, we are, by definition, growing away from each other and potentially growing apart.

I don’t know how many couples have come to me over the years on the verge of divorce, that tell me there are no major issues, but they’ve just “grown apart.” What “grown apart” tells me is that they have not been spending enough time together. If you do not continue to connect throughout your married life, you run the risk of being married to a stranger. The reality is, it is virtually impossible to be in love with someone you don’t really know and are not connected with; and it is virtually impossible to truly know someone with whom you never spend time; you can certainly “love” them – but be “in love”? No. There’s a reason why 90% of long distance relationships fail within a year. They simply don’t spend enough time together. Further, as we’ve already mentioned, couples that don’t spend enough time alone together can’t meet each other’s emotional needs and as such, one or both may be tempted into an affair. If you’re not meeting each other’s needs, chances greatly increase that one or both of you may be more easily tempted to find someone else who will.

Time Makes Everything Else Easier

 

Of course there are other critical components in a happy, healthy marriage, like communication and affection, to name just a few. But how can you work on communication, if you never have the time to talk to each other? How can you work on affection if you don’t spend time together? How can you resolve money issues if you’re rarely in the same room? How can you learn to be a team, if you’re always alone?

I can explain, in great detail about all of these topics, but unless you take the time to be alone to talk with each other, to be affectionate with one another and to enjoy each other, you’ve lost the single most vital component in any marriage and things can only begin to crumble.

If you and your partner have grown apart or feel bored with each other and you would like to learn the important skills necessary to have a happy, healthy marriage, use our StrongMarriageNow System. To learn more about the Couples Counseling System, sign up to listen to our free webinar, “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage." Click on the button below and register for our FREE webinar. It may be just what you need to finally move forward in your marriage.

Discover How to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Have you grown apart from your spouse? Are you feeling bored in your relationship? Register for our FREE "5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage" Webinar and you'll discover:

  • The answer to "Can my marriage be saved?" Dr. Dana Fillmore will tell you how almost any marriage can be saved even if you’re the only one working on it
  • 4 Relationship Myths that are probably getting in your way – Believing in these myths can actually prevent you from saving your marriage
  • How to avoid common mistakes you may be making in your marriage. Did you know that most people’s attempts to save their marriage fail?
  • The most important thing you need to do to save your marriage – And you’ll be surprised it’s practical and easy to apply for almost everyone
  • Clear, straightforward steps that you can take immediately to get your marriage on track
Register Now for 5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage

 

Video Transcript - Dr. Dana's Help to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Hi, I’m Dr. Dana. Thanks for taking our survey! The results indicated that you’ve grown apart and are feeling “bored.” This is an extremely common issue and can usually be attributed to lack of time spent alone together. In fact, spending time alone together is one of the most important lessons couples need to learn; it is also the lesson that most couples struggle with every day. Putting this lesson into action supports everything else, from communication, showing affection, and sex, to making your marriage fun and exciting and most of all, growing together and staying in love!

Did you know that the average couple can spend as little as one hour alone together per week; the average couple with kids – sometimes none? The average two people having an affair spend at least 15 hours per week together! Think about that for a moment. Those two people somehow manage to find 15 hours together in spite of all their other commitments. When I work with couples who have “grown apart,” I ask them to find a mere eight hours a week for each other. They frequently look at me like I’m nuts!

Remember when you were first together and you couldn’t get enough of each other? You spent hours talking and laughing, learning about each other, what you cared about, what your dreams were, what your fears were, what you liked about each other? What most people don’t realize is those things continue to grow and change over time and if we’re not checking in and spending time with each other, we are, by definition, growing away from each other and potentially growing apart.

I don’t know how many couples have come to me over the years on the verge of divorce, that tell me there are no major issues, but they’ve just “grown apart.” What “grown apart” tells me is that they have not been spending enough time together. If you do not continue to connect throughout your married life, you run the risk of being married to a stranger. The reality is, it is virtually impossible to be in love with someone you don’t really know and are not connected with; and it is virtually impossible to truly know someone with whom you never spend time; you can certainly “love” them – but be “in love”? No. There’s a reason why 90% of long distance relationships fail within a year. They simply don’t spend enough time together. Further, as we’ve already mentioned, couples that don’t spend enough time alone together can’t meet each other’s emotional needs and as such, one or both may be tempted into an affair. If you’re not meeting each other’s needs, chances greatly increase that one or both of you may be more easily tempted to find someone else who will.

Of course there are other critical components in a happy, healthy marriage, like communication and affection, to name just a few. But how can you work on communication, if you never have the time to talk to each other? How can you work on affection if you don’t spend time together? How can you resolve money issues if you’re rarely in the same room? How can you learn to be a team, if you’re always alone?

I can explain, in great detail about all of these topics, but unless you take the time to be alone to talk with each other, to be affectionate with one another and to enjoy each other, you’ve lost the single most vital component in any marriage and things can begin to crumble.

If you and your partner have grown apart or feel bored with each other and you would like to learn the important skills necessary to have a happy, healthy marriage, I encourage you to check out our StrongMarriageNow System. Click the button below to learn more about the StrongMarriageNow System and get the excitement and closeness back in your marriage.