Dr. Dana's Help to Forgive and Move Forward
Discover How to Forgive and Move Forward
If you feel like you and/or your partner need more help with forgiveness, if you believe its time to let go of the past and have a happy marriage, I teach this and much more in our free webinar, “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage. Click on the button below and register for our FREE webinar. It may be just what you need to finally move forward in your marriage.
Video Transcript - Dr. Dana's Help to Forgive and Move Forward
Hi, I’m Dr. Dana. If you're watching this, you may be struggling with forgiveness? Are you having a tough time forgiving your partner and moving on from the past? Is your partner having trouble forgiving you? Or, maybe, both. Many couples have this difficulty. In fact, it’s not uncommon for couples to hang on to past hurts and resentments for a very long time slowly but surely undermining the very foundation of the relationship.
So I want to take a moment and talk about forgiveness. I’m going to explain the importance of forgiveness to both the marriage and to the individual, and cover some common issues that may be getting in the way of offering forgiveness.
The fact is, when we refuse to forgive, we keep the past alive in our thoughts, not to mention our relationship. These thoughts can be so vivid that we feel as if the pain is re-occurring over and over in the present moment. But in the end, who does that hurt? I once heard Maya Angelou say: “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” By repeatedly focusing on the pain from a past experience, you continue to relive it and often times expand upon it. Not only do you allow the pain from the past to continue to damage the relationship, you choose to let it repeatedly damage you.
The fact is that forgiveness is in our control. It’s ours to give and ours to withhold. We can choose whether we want to be stuck living in the past, holding onto our pain, and hurting ourselves or living for today and the future, and letting go. We can only let go if we forgive.
The fact is there are many reasons why people find it difficult to forgive. The first reason we have a hard time forgiving is because we don’t understand or we misunderstand what’s going on with our partner.
This is most often due to a lack of communication within the relationship. I talk about this at great length in both our free Webinar, The Secrets to Save your Marriage, and in our Couples Counseling System but suffice it to say, forgiveness is easier to give when we understand what’s behind our partner’s behavior.
The second reason many people find it difficult to forgive is that they believe offering forgiveness condones a behavior. For forgiveness to flow freely, it’s important that both people in the relationship understand that forgiving someone does not mean you’re telling them what they did was okay, and it certainly does not mean you’re giving them permission to do it again. It simply means that you understand that there may have been painful circumstances, misunderstandings or even accidents that contributed to the person’s actions and you’re choosing to pardon the behavior this time.
The last reason many people find it difficult to forgive actually stems from the kinds of apologies they receive. In other words, most people aren’t very good at apologizing.
In the end, however, the decision to forgive should not be contingent on an apology, or even a promise to never do it again. It is simply a decision to let go of the past and focus on the future for both partner’s sake.
People often struggle with this because they’re waiting for a guarantee that the behavior will never happen again before they’re willing to forgive. Unfortunately, as none of us are fortune-tellers, we cannot predict the future and therefore, cannot offer this guarantee. Forgiveness is simply a willingness to sincerely let go of the past and move forward. It is extremely important to the foundation of your relationship and vital to the connection and, therefore, the love between you and your partner.
If you feel like you and/or your partner need more help with forgiveness, if you believe its time to let go of the past and have a happy marriage, I teach this and much more in our free webinar, “5 Secrets to Save Your Marriage." Click on the button below and register for our FREE webinar. It may be just what you need to finally move forward in your marriage.
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