It’s only natural to have some ups and downs over the course of your marriage, but unfortunately, many couples start to settle into some of the “downs” after years together, taking their slowly withering marriage as a normal “settling,” and never putting the effort into rekindling their excitement for each other…

While they may be a certain amount of “calming” to be expected as time goes by, and you may never recapture the fevered excitement of your early days together, you absolutely can grow closer together. If you’ve been drifting apart over the years, here are a few ways to get back on track:

1. Actually SEE Each Other

Sure, you “see” each other every day. You share a home, you eat dinner, you go about your routines… And all the while, you probably don’t stop to truly look at your spouse, to pause and reflect on this person you love, that you’ve chosen to spend your life with.

Plant the seed in your mind, and take the time to really see each other. If your spouse looks good, tell them so! If seeing them at the breakfast table conjures up fond memories, don’t hold back sharing your thoughts and feelings. The point is to be more engaged in the long standing bond you share, being aware of your positive thoughts and feelings, and sharing them with each other!

2. Learn Something New

Tackling something totally new requires some vulnerability and discomfort – simply because of the nature of new experiences. Fortunately, these are also the moments that our minds and bodies are engaged, we feel excitement, and we’re primed for feeling connected to the people we share such experiences with.

So, with this in mind, try something new! This could be attending a dance class, trying a new sport, trying a challenging recipe for dinner – really anything that makes you feel a little uneasy to try! You’ll have to rely on each other, share a new experience, and come away from it with renewed confidence and connection to each other.

3. Prioritize Your Spouse

Everyone’s busy. Between work and kids, hobbies and friends, things to do around the house, and so much more, it’s easy to put your marriage on the back burner. That, however, exactly how “drifting apart” happens.

Instead of letting all of those other things get in the way of your marriage, do the opposite. Put the marriage first. Prioritize talking to each other, spending time together, and being a source of support and encouragement. With a strong, supportive marriage, you won’t feel so overwhelmed by these other responsibilities, you’ll have a “teammate” to help keep you inspired and motivated throughout the day, and have someone you can relax with, vent to, and share struggles with at the end of a long day. The more connected you feel, the more “in it together” you’ll approach life’s numerous demands.

These are just a few ideas to help you rebuild your feelings of connection and togetherness. Next time, we’ll give you three more ways to come back together – and think of your own as well! Remember the ways you spent time together in your earliest days and years together, talk about ways you can enjoy each other’s company. Putting forth the effort (and making the mental commitment to reconnecting) is the real priority. Don’t let your marriage drift into disconnection!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com