Can’t get on the same page with your spouse? Frustrated that your partner won’t listen to you? Watch the video below to discover how to improve the communication in your relationship and make everything easier.

Video Transcript

Are you having trouble getting through to your spouse? Do you talk about the same issue over and over again? If so, you’re not alone. In our survey of married couples, communication ranks as one of the top marriage problems.

There are so many components to communication that is difficult to talk about them all here. However, one of the first things I talk about when helping couples with communication is actually the importance of listening. Most of us do fairly well when it comes to talking. We can come up with charts, graphs and long lists of why we’re “right,” but most of us don’t listen worth a darn. Listening is, in fact, the most important part of communication in any relationship. In the history of marriage, the ping-pong form of arguing, the back-and-forth of debate, has never resolved anything; until someone stops and listens, the match never ends.

Most of us know that listening is important but why is it so hard to do? A common barrier to listening is that many people feel that by listening and understanding, they’re somehow conceding and giving in, ultimately losing power and control in the relationship.

Let me tell you, Listening is Not the Same as Agreeing

Dr. Dana

How often have we heard, “Listen to me,” when what they really mean is, “Agree with me!” For those of us with children, when we say, “You’re not listening to me,” what we really mean is, “You’re not obeying me.” And trust me, our children know exactly what we really mean when we’re saying it. So, the first thing we need to establish is that “listening” is not the same thing as agreeing, “hearing” is not the same thing as obeying, and “giving your spouse the opportunity to state their case,” (without arguing or interrupting), is not the same as giving in. Listening is, actually, just hearing and understanding what someone is trying to tell you. That’s it.

So, if you’d like to improve the communication in your relationship and resolve issues, take the time to truly listen and try to understand your partner. Interestingly, a pleasant side-effect of patiently listening to your partner is that they’ll be more likely to listen to you!