You absolutely can save your marriage even if your partner doesn't want to work on it. This can be such a scary time. One can feel vulnerable, hopeless and panicked. They want things to change in their marriage but aren’t sure how. Unfortunately, Many people believe that their marriages will get better as soon as their partner changes. Waiting for this to happen rarely works. Just one person in the couple changing their priorities, the way they communicate, and how much effort they put into their relationship can dramatically change the dynamic between you.
As a general rule, we should always do the things we want our husband or wife to do. We should say the things we want them to say. We should give what we want our partner to give. Doing this significantly increases the chance that your spouse will do these things too. Complaining to them about what they're not doing, only pushes them away and makes things worse.
For instance, a person who constantly complains that their spouse does not pay enough attention to them only shames them and makes them feel like a failure. This makes them want to avoid the perceived source of these feelings, actually decreasing the time their spouse is likely to give them the attention they’re looking for. Instead, if one happily arranges opportunities and time for them to be together, they’ll more likely get the attention they desire.
Partners are often open to information being relayed to them in kind, non-blaming, non-threatening ways. For instance, saying to your partner, “You know I think I'm really going to try to work on my tone of voice with the kids because I noticed it tends to make the situation worse.” makes it safe for one’s spouse to try to work on the issue as well. Without blaming or shaming them, they’ll see how it works when you change your behavior and it makes them want to try it too. You have changed the family dynamic without much resistance making the whole family happier.
As Ghandi said “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage
Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com