How to get back that “in love” feeling and Fall Back in Love

Many of you write to us and say ““We’re not in love anymore.  Can that “in love” feeling ever come back?”   Have you heard the words “not in love?”  Do you long for more passion and excitement in your marriage?

The good news is you can get that “in love” feeling back again by investing in your relationship and working on marriage success skills.   Here’s Dr. Fillmore’s answer:

Well, this is a complicated question because what people are really talking about when they say “in love”  are those feelings of excitement and passion that typically happen when you first fall for someone.  Those exciting and passionate feelings can change over time.  Many of you may be unconsciously yearning for that amazing sensation, that rush you experienced in the first (roughly) two years of your relationship.  And you may feel that "something is missing" if it's not there. The bottom line is that you can't keep that going.  I mean I could marry the hottest movie star man of my dreams (in my case Johnny Depp) and in about two years, when he walked in the room, I’d say “uhh...  Hi honey.”  His mere presence would no longer be enough to make me weak in the knees.  The truth is that monogamy is, by definition, somewhat boring.  It's not a natural state. You could be married to the best lover on the planet, but even champagne and caviar every day eventually gets dull.  It's not personal and it doesn't mean that you're not still completely in love with your partner.

But, don't get discouraged!   Because there are actual chemical and biological reasons for this, there are also ways to counter it.  We can rev up those thrilling sensations.  We can make it interesting and exciting again.  How?  By creating and putting ourselves in situations that are new, somewhat “risky,” or even vaguely “forbidden.”  Whether that means taking up dancing, trying new positions, buying new toys, taking up white-water rafting or having sex on the beach!  I'm just saying don't rely on the day-to day interactions to keep it interesting.  Spice it up!

So, now you know what to do to get the “in love” feeling back.  Go out and try something new, risky, or even a little dangerous together.  It will rev up the excitement for you and bring passion back into your relationship.

For more lessons on marriage success skills, check out our our revolutionary StrongMarriageNow System.

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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, StrongMarriageNow.com

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