Are you frustrated that your husband just doesn't understand you? Are you feeling lonely and isolated?

It may be that the way you and your husband communicate is contributing to the problem. It doesn't have to stay that way.

Dr. Dana Fillmore, Author, TV Relationship Expert and Clinical Psychologist offers Matt and Angie some new ways of communicating in the video below to help them reconnect and feel close again.

Watch This For Dr. Dana's Advice On What To Do To Get Your Husband To Understand How You Feel


 
Please comment below the video to ask your own questions or just to let us know what you think. We’re frequently shooting new videos and will answer the top questions to help you regain the love with your husband.

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage

Recovering from an affair is no easy process. It takes time, it hurts a ton, and ultimately, it requires you and your spouse to both face some troubling realities about the marriage, where it went wrong, and how you can get things back on track…

With that in mind, there are some very straightforward facts you need to acknowledge before you can begin the healing process. Face these head on, and understand that the pain you feel doesn’t have to last forever.

1. Details Hurt

While you may want to know some of the specifics – like who and why – digging too deep into the details will only make you feel worse. It can create mental images that are hard to shake, make you not want to go certain places, and so on.

The gritty details won’t make the situation any better. Learn what you must to help you understand the issues that lead to infidelity, but don’t torture yourself with every last piece of information.

2. Your Spouse is a Liar

It hurts to hear, but it’s true. If your spouse cheated on you, kept secrets, snuck around, etc. – they ARE a liar.

Now, that doesn’t mean they’ll always be one, or that there’s no coming back. It just means that you both have to acknowledge that trust is broken, and has to be rebuilt from the ground up. Own this fact, and begin the slow journey of repair.

3. Your Spouse is The Source of Your Pain

You’re hurt, and you have every right to be. No amount of apologizing, kind actions, or any other action on your spouse’s is going to resolve that right away. You both have to accept that things are going to be tense for a while, and that you won’t just be able to jump right into the healing process.

You can begin, but go slowly. It will be painful to share a home, a bed, a meal… They are the source of your pain, and that’s going to take time to get past.

4. You Can Make It Work

Affairs do NOT have to mean the end of a marriage. In fact, some marriages become even stronger after infidelity – first, because it exposes many of the unaddressed problems in the relationship, and second, because a couple who can get through it will have bolstered their communication, rebuilt trust, and forged an even more powerful commitment to one another.

5. You Can’t Do It Alone

Again, this is no small undertaking. You and your spouse both have to make the conscious choice that you want to work through this, that you want to develop a healthier marriage than you ever had before… That you want to build a relationship where something like this will never happen again.

This is far, far more likely to be a success with some outside help. Whether it’s using a system like ours, reading books, seeking individual professional support, or visiting marriage counseling together, you can gain valuable ideas and personalized advice for your unique relationship.

If your marriage is suffering in the wake of an affair, you first have to accept these truths before you begin to work toward solutions. It can be done, but it will take patience, perseverance, and some professional help. You can do it if you commit!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Put as directly as possible – no. No it isn’t.

…But this isn’t a simple question. What’s the fight about? How old are the kids? Do the young ones even understand what’s going on?

It is never ok to fight in front of your children.

It is never ok to fight in front of your children.

Frankly, none of those questions matter. It’s not OK to fight in front of the kids about any topic, no matter what age they are or how much (or little) they understand the issue. The point is that the fights you have with your spouse affect them directly, threatening the stability of the home, and potentially teaching them bad habits that will stick with them for years.

Now, that’s not to say that you can’t disagree… But you have to be conscious of how you approach the conflict. We aren’t going to get along all the time, and you shouldn’t have to pretend that things are always perfect. However, making a point to have civil, rational discussions instead of full-blown arguments is critical for your kids’ wellbeing!

When things get heated – complete with shouting and slamming doors – it can get pretty scary for children, causing them to withdraw emotionally, feel fearful around their parents, feel unwelcome or unsafe, and all sorts of other terrible emotional responses.

Even if the kids are off in another room, or it doesn’t seem like they’re paying attention – they absolutely see and hear what’s going on between you and your spouse. You are constantly influencing the way they see the world, the way they see you, and the way they feel about themselves.

So, with all of this in mind, it’s all about HOW you contend with spousal disagreements. When things begin to get heated, it’s actually on opportunity to teach your kids some valuable lessons. First, they can see how you take control of your emotional responses, stepping away for a moment to let things cool down, apologizing for reacting harshly, and so on.

You can also show them how to look past a single conflict and make up with a person they care about.

If you can learn to handle your disagreements with self control, emotional maturity, and a focus on resolution, not only are you protecting your kids from unnecessary fear and emotional harm, you’re also teaching them valuable skills they can carry with them forever.

The next time you feel your temper flare up, keep these things in mind. Even if the kids aren’t around, it’s still the healthiest way to deal with conflict.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

For all of the issues that can come up in a marriage, one is far more common than all the others. It’s something each and every one of us has to deal with. We all stress about it…

The problem is MONEY.

No matter how much (or how little) we seem to make, the problems persist. Because a marriage involves two people who typically share finances, differences of opinion are bound to arise. Whether it’s how much to spend on leisure activities, how savings should be handled, who earns more, how much groceries cost, and on and on… Different outlooks on earnings and expenses can create some serious turmoil.

Honestly, it’s less about the dollars themselves, and more about the jobs we work to earn them, the luxuries and necessities we spend them on, and the varying levels of importance we give each expense.

The most common fight couples have is about money!

The most common fight couples have is about money!

Let’s look at a few of the most common fights before we get to the solution.

1. Power

If one spouse earns far more than the other, or the family has one primary breadwinner, it can create an uneasy imbalance of “power.” This can even happen subconsciously – where the person earning the most money feels entitled to all of the financial decisions.

Alternatively, the person “without the power” can feel resentful or self-conscious because they aren’t contributing more. These feelings can go under the radar – you might not even be aware they’re happening – and lead to tension that causes unrelated arguments.

2. Kids

Having children is expensive. They need food and clothes, of course, but what about allowance, toys, extracurricular activities, and beyond? Deciding when it’s ok to buy a new toy can cause a disagreement… Figuring out how to save for college can lead to a full-blown fight.

3. Debt

Debt is a tremendous burden in the US. Married couples share some debt, but plenty of other debts are from before you said your vows. Old credit card debt, student loans, and the like become a problem for both of you when you combine finances.

Unfortunately, that can mean spending money on your spouse’s debts (and resenting it). If one of you keeps wracking up debt, it’s an even bigger issue – since you’re both responsible for it. Making payments is stressful, especially if money’s already tight.

4. Personality

While you and your spouse might have a lot in common, everyone’s a little bit different. Some of us are Spartan in our needs, living frugally and avoiding “unnecessary” expenses. Others are only willing to spend money on the highest quality items. Still others are thrifty throughout the year to spend huge sums on travel and vacations… We all have different ideas about the best way to use money to improve our lives.

If you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye, but share finances, this can cause some massive disagreements.

5. Ownership

With shared finances and possibly disproportionate earnings, it’s tough to determine what belongs to whom – or if it even matters! It’s a similar division as the “power” mentioned above, but as it relates to certain items. Who is entitled to the last cookie? Who gets to drive the nicer car?

You won’t be able to truly divide everything right down the middle, and if you haven’t made some kind of plan (or aren’t making a point to be kind to one another), these issues can become major fights.

So… What can you do?

Fortunately, almost all of these problems have a simple solution: BUDGET.

The more you can set a budget, work through it together, and agree to make it the governing factor for your financial decisions, the less likely you are to fight about money in the moment.

The point is to lay everything out beforehand. When an expense comes up, you don’t have to fight about whether or not it’s a good purchase – you simply check the budget. If it allows for the expense, go for it. If not, stick to your agreement and don’t buy it!

This works with kids, paying down debts, vacations, and so much more. It won’t quite solve the “ownership” problem, but it does give you an opportunity to discuss it.

Sit down with your spouse and hash out a budget. Don’t give up until you’ve come up with something you both agree on. Afterward, commit to sticking to it! When conflicts arise (and they probably will), you have the document to fall back on. The budget has the final say.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

St. Patrick’s day has become an American holiday of revelry. There are parades, pub crawls, themed parties, festivals, and so much more… Nearly every community has some kind of celebration, and it’s a great opportunity to cut loose with your spouse!

Get lucky this St. Patrick's Day!

Get lucky this St. Patrick's Day!

Now, what we’re really getting at is “getting lucky” in the bedroom – but you can set the mood with some raucous holiday fun. Even if you aren’t into “partying,” this is still a great chance to get out of the house, people watch, and enjoy some laughs.

The point is to remind yourselves how fun, laughter, and a carefree attitude relate to a good sex life. Bonding happens in serious moments, of course, but it also happens when you’re simply enjoying each other’s company! Spending fun, novel time together can translate directly into great experiences in the bedroom – especially if you’re flirting the whole time!

So, whether or not you decide to partake in the green beer, get out of the house on St. Patrick’s Day. Go dance, join in the celebrations, listen to live music, attend a party – anything to make the most of this out-of-the-ordinary day.

If you have a great time, and find yourself rushing to the bedroom when you get home… There’s another valuable lesson to be learned. If this kind of holiday fun made you and your spouse feel connected, helped you cut loose, and got you flirting and feeling sexy – you can repeat this stuff any time!

You can make your own “holiday” with each other. It’s all about letting yourself relax, finding fun things to do in your area, and allowing yourself to be carefree around your spouse. While there are always plenty of responsibilities to handle or serious topics to address, simply enjoying one another’s company is also an important part of your marriage.

This St. Patrick’s Day, lighten up, have some fun, and make your own luck!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Don't buy into these 5 marriage myths!

Don't buy into these 5 marriage myths!

Every relationship is a little bit different – and because of that, there aren’t really “universal truths” that apply to each and every couple. There are, however, pervasive myths that can lead couples to make bad decisions or incorrect assumptions.

We’re here to set the record straight! Don’t believe these myths, or let them make you second-guess the choices you’ve made for your own relationship. Instead, let these myths serve as lessons for understanding what really works in a marriage, and the effort happy couples put in.

Myth #1: Half of Marriages End in Divorce

This claim has been floating around for years. In the 1970s, divorce rates saw a big spike, and those figures sparked a myth that persists today. Actual divorce rates (from 2009) are more like 30% - this still isn’t great, but it doesn’t have the same mental impact as “half.”

When people believe this myth, they see their own marriages a coin toss. If half end divorce, they incorrectly assume that they’ll either be part of the half that works, or part of the half that doesn’t. The myth tends to make people surrender the power they have over the success of their marriage.

Regardless of the statistics, don’t fall victim to “sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.” If you want a strong marriage, YOU have to make it so.

Myth #2: Married Couples Have Worse Sex Lives

This stems from a very real, very common problem – where couples that have been married for a long time lose sight of the physical part of their relationship, and settle into cohabitants… While this does happen, it’s not just a matter of course. It doesn’t just happen on its own.

Maintaining a great sex life takes some effort, or at least making it a priority. You have to want to have a good sexual relationship with your spouse – and this is true of unmarried couples as well!

It’s not marriage that hurts a couples’ sex lives, it’s lack of effort and attention (intentional or not).

Myth #3: Happy Couples Don’t Fight

Disagreements are completely common! A couple that agrees on everything, 100% of the time is just unrealistic! To assume that happy couples never argue causes damage in a couple of ways…

First, it can make you think that you and your spouse fight sometimes, that there’s something wrong with the marriage. Second, it can make you avoid issues simply because you don’t want conflict – which only causes more problems in the long run.

Plenty of happy couples go through disagreements. The difference is in how they handle them, how they listen to one another, and how they take steps to improve.

Myth #4: If You’re Truly In Love, Passion Never Fades

Now, for some (a very small number) of couples, this might be true… But for most people, time can take a toll on even the most passionate relationships. In fact, the couples who seem to stay passionate after years and years together are likely taking steps to keep it that way – even if they don’t know they’re doing it.

Keeping passion alive takes quality time spent together, novel experiences, communication, and so on. This stuff doesn’t just happen on its own, but is instead a product of prioritizing the relationship and making a conscious effort to fan the flames of passion.

Myth #5: Kids Make Marriages Happier

Not to offend any of the parents out there, but this simply isn’t true! Sometimes couples think that having a child together will help them bond or fix problems in the marriage… But all of the data says otherwise. Couples without children tend to report far higher levels of marital happiness.

Now, that’s not to say that parents can’t have truly fulfilling and happy marriages, but rather that having kids won’t automatically put your relationship back on course. Having kids for the sake of your marriage is a disservice to both the child AND the relationship. They won’t fix problems, and will likely add more stress, pull you away from each other, and bury the issues to become worse in the future.

Parenthood is a beautiful thing, but don’t think that it will save a broken marriage.

Overcoming these myths is an important part of building a strong marriage. If you believe in misconceptions, and taking actions based on bad information, you won’t be doing developing the relationship you want. If you previously bought into these myths – stop! If you hear others perpetuating them, help set the record straight!

We’ll all be better off if we stop believing them.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Bodies change with age, and that can lead to a very problematic (but common) misconception for married couples. The assumption is that sex declines with age, but that doesn’t have to be the case. In fact, sex can get even better after middle age!

While this is true for both men and women, today we’ll focus on women (they often have more complex sexuality, and tend to be more often affected by this misconception).

The first culprit here is menopause, which can lead to changes in body chemistry, libido, and physical symptoms that make sex uncomfortable (or even painful). The North American Menopause Society estimates that 17% - 45% of women experience physical problems with sex after menopause, but even for this section of the population, there are solutions!

After 50, sex can be great for women!

After 50, sex can be great for women!

There may be prescription and over the counter medications that can help, but the simplest “treatment” is one that many women overlook. Discomfort and difficulty likely stem from deteriorating tissue and reduced circulation, which can cause women to avoid sex… In reality, however, engaging in sexual activity, or just becoming aroused, stimulates blood flow and helps fight back against the issues! If you’re experiencing such symptoms, don’t avoid sex - embrace it as much as you can!

Beyond the physical difficulties that can make women want to avoid sex, there are plenty of psychological factors at play too. The maturity and confidence that come with age can be the biggest assets, and help women over 50 enjoy the best sex of their lives.

This plays out in a few ways:

Self Awareness

By the time you’re over 50, you’ve had time to learn “who you are.” That means understanding your own sexual appetites, what you like, what you don’t like, and your own psychological and emotional “hot buttons.”

Confidence

Unlike younger women, you are likely far more comfortable voicing your desires, going after what you want, and speaking up when things aren’t working. This means you have far more power in the bedroom than people half your age! This confidence also affects body image, comfort with trying new things, and so much more!

Effort

At this point, you probably understand that marriage (and a healthy sex life) takes conscious effort. This is an advantage in the bedroom because you are willing to make sex, flirting, and quality time with your spouse a priority - instead of just expecting it to happen on its own.

Freedom

As you pass middle age, the kids are probably grown, finances are more stable than your younger years, and you’ve figured out how to better manage your time. All of this means more freedom! That can be taking romantic trips together, more free time because of retirement, or simply having the house to yourself more often - all opportunities to have more, better sex!

Let’s do away with the myth that sex is “supposed to” decline with age. The only reason it declines is because people allow it to, and don’t make it a priority in their relationships. Take the necessary steps to keep your body up to the task, and embrace the beauty of sex after 50!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Fall Back In Love, Watch This Entire Video Today


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

In our last post, we dug into 10 tips for rekindling the spark of your marriage. These ideas can help you adjust your perspective, see the best in each other, and spend the quality time that is essential for a healthy, happy relationship.

Today, let’s dive into 10 more. The more you can incorporate things into your daily lives, the more connected you and your spouse will feel – but be patient! These aren’t “one time” activities that magically fix the relationship. Instead, they are habits and ongoing activities that help develop trust, subconscious connection, and the frame of mind that allows you to love and appreciate one another every day!

1. Create Something

Working together on a project, especially a creative one, forces you to collaborate with your spouse. You may face challenges to work through, have to yield to each other’s skill sets, or compromise on ideas. When you’re finished, you’ll be able to look back and see what you’re capable of when you work together!

Try these surefire ways to fall back in love!

Try these surefire ways to fall back in love!

Make sure it’s something you both feel interested in – or find a way to combine your individual interests into something even bigger!

2. Sleep Closer Together

Even if you don’t realize it, your brain is at work all the time. It builds connections and affects emotions in ways we don’t see… And one of the biggest subconscious connectors comes from touch! Even while you’re asleep, skin-to-skin contact with your spouse helps develop your feelings of connectedness. Whether it’s a full on snuggle or simply letting your hands touch while you sleep, it all helps!

3. Double Dates

The prospect of double dates might seem strange to some people, but it can actually be a great way to build (or rebuild) your relationship. First, it can help make the excursion even more fun if you’re also spending time with friends. Second, it helps you gain some perspective on your own relationship by being in close proximity to someone else’s. This doesn’t mean comparing the two directly, but rather seeing the little nuances and differences – and letting them either build your confidence or give you ideas on how to make your own marriage better.

4. More Kisses!

Like physical touch of all kinds, kissing is a great way to make your brain and body crave connection! All of this ties back to that wonderful hormone oxytocin, the so-called “cuddle hormone.”

Kiss whenever the mood strikes you, of course, but also make a point to exchange kisses when you part ways in the morning, when you reconvene at home, and as you’re going to bed for the night.

5. Work On Your Own Interests

Despite all the weight we put on spending quality time together, you ALSO have to make time to pursue your own interests. If you aren’t feeling fulfilled with your own passions, hobbies, or other interests, you aren’t going to be the best version of yourself.

Make time to cultivate the things that make you feel accomplished and fulfilled, and take that positivity back into the marriage. A healthy marriage isn’t “being half” – it’s two whole people that come together to make something even greater.

6. Support Each Other’s Passions

Related to pursuing your own interests, be supportive of your spouse’s! The sense of fulfillment is important for both of you, and if you can encourage and support one another along the way, you’ll build an even deeper connection.

When you watch your spouse in action, you’ll also see them at their most passionate and engaged – a great view of the person you love!

7. Eye Contact

Looking someone directly in the eye is both intimidating and incredibly connective. When you speak, especially if you’re having a serious or difficult conversation, look one another in the eye. It might be tough, but it will help you see an entire spectrum of emotions that may or may not be said outright.

When you’re having happy interactions, the same is true! Not only will you see the fine detail of how your spouse is feeling, you’ll also be building your subconscious feelings of trust and connectivity.

8. Exercise Together

Working out does so many great things for your mind and body, and doing it with your spouse is even better! You’ll be spending quality time together, lean on each other for moral support, and have to get past any self-consciousness you might feel.

Exercise also helps your body function better, can help with sex drive, and make you feel more attracted to each other. There are really no downsides here!

9. Don’t Avoid Tough Talks

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, talk about it! Don’t just try these tips in hopes of fixing the problem without actually addressing it. If your spouse doesn’t know WHY you suddenly put emphasis on touching while you sleep or supporting their passion, you might not get the response you expect... Which could lead to resentment and other problems.

Talk first. Acknowledge if there has been trouble, and then use these ideas to get back on track.

10. Have Your Partner’s Back

Last but not least, make your “default setting” one of support, patience, and benefit of the doubt. You two should be a team, not adversaries. If you have each other’s back in tough times, when things are going poorly at work or with family members, when stresses are high or money is tight… You become a unit that turns to each other for help first.

This can take many forms, but it all starts with an attitude of “being there” for your spouse.

Take these tips one at a time. Talk to each other about why these things are important to pursue, and commit to building (and maintaining) the best marriage you possibly can!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Over time, couples can drift apart if they aren’t actively working on their relationship. Feeling “out of love” can happen to us all, but fortunately, you can get things back on track!

If you’re feeling disconnected, use these tips to rekindle the spark in your marriage. Be patient, and let these ideas bring you closer together. It may take time, but all the while, you’ll be moving toward a healthier, happier marriage.

1. Limit Technology

We often spend too much time staring at screens instead of actually spending time with one another. Put the phones down, turn off the TV, and make a point to be present with your spouse. Simply sitting in the same room isn’t enough - you have to make an effort to break away from the technology.

Here are some definite ways to fall back in love with your spouse!

Here are some definite ways to fall back in love with your spouse!

2. Flirt All Day

From morning snuggles to flirtatious text messages, try to keep each other excited and feeling loved all day. Not only will this build up to fun in the bedroom, it will also keep both of you focused on each other, looking forward to your moments together - even if it’s an email or a quick phone call in the middle of the work day.

3. Adjust Expectations

Sometimes the distance we feel is rooted in unrealistic expectations. We may be looking too closely at our spouse’s flaws, and not closely enough at their best qualities. We may be projecting what we want onto them, without taking the time to understand and respect who they actually are. Be realistic in your expectations, and work together to grow.

4. Surprise Each Other

Whether it’s something small or something extravagant, surprises make people feel great! It could be preparing your spouse’s favorite meal, giving a gift, a surprise date… Your options are endless! These little moments of excitement add up, and help both of you feel more connected.

5. Express Gratitude

Feeling thankful - and making a point to say it out loud - is a great way to improve your general outlook on life. Expressing your gratitude to your spouse for the things they do to improve your life shows appreciation, spurs conversation, and helps them feel loved. Don’t take things for granted, no matter how small they may seem.

6. Touch

Simply touching your bodies together - hugs, holding hands, etc. - makes your body produce oxytocin, helping you both feel a deeper connection to each other. Make a point to incorporate physical touch into your day, even if you aren’t feeling very close. Hug each other in the morning before you head to work, sit close together on the couch, whatever you can do to actually connect your bodies. Every little bit helps!

7. Vacation

Sometimes the best way to reconnect is to get away from distractions and everyday responsibilities. Taking a vacation away from work, the kids, chores, and all of the things that may be getting between you and your spouse is a chance to reflect and refresh. If you can afford to take an extravagant trip, great - but even a small getaway will be a chance to talk, to spend quality time together, and begin rebuilding your relationship.

8. Compliments

After years together, couples can begin to take each other for granted, and part of that can mean forgetting the importance of small kindnesses and compliments. Tell your spouse when you’re feeling proud of them, when they look nice, when they do something thoughtful… Like expressing gratitude, paying each other compliments makes both of you feel loved and appreciated.

9. Pillow Talk

Studies show that communicating and sharing feelings after sex leads to deeper relationship satisfaction - and it makes sense! These intimate moments are when you’re both vulnerable, full of good brain chemicals, and mentally primed to connect. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, make a point to spend some time after sex connecting emotionally.

10. Rethink Dates

Dates don’t have to be expensive or lavish. In fact, the only requirement is that you spent quality time together. Practically anything can be a date, so explore your options! Think outside the box, explore your community, try new things, and all the while, you’ll be strengthening your marriage.

As you can see, it ultimately comes down to time and effort. If you want to build (or rebuild) a loving, healthy marriage, you have to spend time together, connect both physically and emotionally, and make each other a priority. Incorporate these practices into your life, and feel more connected than ever!

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

End The Loneliness and Hurt... Watch This Video Today


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com

Physical intimacy is a critical part of a romantic relationship. The fact is, biology plays a huge role in our love lives. Sex (and other forms of intimacy) is the difference between friends and lovers, and when our bodies feel connected, so do our hearts and minds!

There’s a misconception that sex becomes less important with age, or that after years and years together, it becomes a smaller and smaller component of marriage… That may be a tendency, but that doesn’t make it a good idea!

Now, age does play an important part here. As people get older, they may notice a decrease in libido, develop health problems, have aches and pains that make sex more difficult, or simply not feel very attractive or sexy… These are all valid concerns, but there’s good news! Engaging in sexual activity actually helps!

No matter how old you are, sex matters in your marriage!

No matter how old you are, sex matters in your marriage!

The more you do it, the easier it becomes – and because every person is different, you can find the activities that work for both of you. All of it helps.

Unfortunately, many couples that have been married for decades start to get out of the habit. They settle into new patterns that don’t involve much sexual activity, and it can be hard to find your way back into the groove. So, where do you start?

First, you have to talk about it. It can be tough (especially for the shy people), but it has to be done. You have to discuss what you want, what you don’t feel comfortable with, and if you have concerns or hang ups related to health, self esteem, or anything else. Talk about this stuff outside of the bedroom, not in the heat of the moment.

The next step is to just go slow. Remember how important this part of your marriage is, and make a point to hold hands, to snuggle, to explore foreplay… You don’t have to ramp things up immediately, and all of this physical connection will help bring you closer together.

Recognize that this stuff is all about habits and attention. It doesn’t just “fade with age” – it fades when you stop making it a priority.

If you start introducing physical intimacy back into your marriage, it will get easier and easier as you go. Each conversation about it will be more comfortable, and you’ll rediscover the passion you may have lost track of.

No matter how old you are, or how long you’ve been married, don’t overlook this part of your relationship. Start slow if you have to, and recognize that your physical connection is just as important as the rest of the relationship.

For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!

Check Out Our Video: How To Regain the Love, Rekindle Passion and Save Your Marriage


Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com