Nearly all relationships will go through changes over time, some subtle, some major…
Even over the course of a single day, our own ups and downs in mood can make little waves in our marriages. Some days are better than others – that’s just how life is, whether it’s a relationship, a job, a hobby, or anything else. Things aren’t just even all the time.
People go through ups and downs. Sometimes the fluctuations are minor and sometimes they are drastic, but it can’t be sunshine and roses all the time. We know that from experience…
BUT WAIT – this reality can lead to some problematic assumptions about your marriage, and those assumptions are behind one of the most common marriage myths. This myth would have people believe that, all of the sudden, they’ll hit a “down” period and fall out of love – that one day you’ll wake up and notice that you’ve drifted apart from your spouse. The myth would have you believe that this is not only normal, but inevitable.
This broad idea of “ups and downs” makes people think that the “down times” are just natural, and that they can’t do anything about them…
But that’s where this myth is totally wrong. You don’t just fall out of love as a matter of course, it’s something that happens gradually when you aren’t tending the flame of your marriage!
While it may be fairly normal to have times when your connection to one another feels stronger than others, you can stave off growing apart by making a conscious effort with your spouse.
Drifting apart is only a natural occurrence if you aren’t doing anything to prevent it.
As we’ve said again and again, the first step is spending quality time together. If you aren’t making a point to give one another your attention, how can you expect to stay connected?
This time – at least 8 hours per week – should be spent away from distractions like TV and smartphones, away from work stresses, away from household chores. This is when you can share your concerns, talk about what’s making you happy, share stories and memories, talk about goals for the future, or just chat about things you both enjoy – the whole point is connection. This helps you stay in love with the one you married.
Drifting apart doesn’t happen in an instant, it happens gradually when you allow it to. Go on dates, communicate with each other, snuggle up together, give each other compliments and flirt throughout the day – you may have some ups and downs, but you’ll get through them together!
For more advice on how to strengthen your marriage, check out the StrongMarriageNow System today!
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Dr. Dana Fillmore and Amy Barnhart, co-Founders, StrongMarriageNow.com
